We're like a lot better than the average bears
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
