Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
