I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
