when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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