Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
