Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
