I heard we made out
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
