I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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