Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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