Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize