shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
