life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
bring money and cleavage
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
