Plan B is the new Plan A
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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