She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
