I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
