you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
