if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
