i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
