I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize