I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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