being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize