if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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