My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
