I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
