I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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