My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
