walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
