he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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