She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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