My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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