I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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