look no pants
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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