im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
