Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my shit smells like andre
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
