i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
