I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
