So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
