I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
