The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
