Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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