No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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