I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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