we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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