after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
