I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
