He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
