Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
