She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
