These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
