i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i dont even know how to be here
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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