Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
