You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
