she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize