for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
