where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
