Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
