Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
