meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
