You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
