Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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