dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
